Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Featuring... The Human Pincushion!

In proportionate terms... imagine getting jabbed in your thigh with a two foot long needle. Three times. That's exactly what happened yesterday to our hero, again, speaking proportionately, here. The Captain roared with furious anger, ordering the thorough lashing and immediate execution of every man jack present. To add insult to injury, he was compelled to drink the very nasty and technically-named Polio Goo Part One. In the same vein (sorry, couldn't resist) he discovered cherry flavored baby Tylenol was quite nice, and then passed out. What a day. The skipper has been cranky ever since. Her Majesty is still teary-eyed. We'll keep you, dear reader, posted on all these goings on.

This Sunday, a few of our very best people came over for a little get together to quietly celebrate my rapid aging/decline. It seems truly fitting that I tore my hamstring about an hour before the soiree. Jack snoozed inconsiderately in his cabin during most of the festivities. Being a powerful and feared Captain of men can make one a bit rusty with one's manners, it would seem.

Oh, back to the details. The current standings improve to: 3 months old, 25" long (85th percentile, thank YOU Mendelian Genetics!) and 13.3 lbs (50th percentile) and 40 cm head circumference (25th percentile) if memory serves. I apologize for mixing metric and English, but welcome to the United States. Just be thankful I didn't give everything in knots and leagues.

I'll have to leave it there for now, as I slowly remember the happenings of this past week. Ah - almost forgot: Your Captain duly presented his voter registration card (thank you, ACORN!) and did his duty. Now go do yours for King and Country. -E.C.

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