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Monday, August 31, 2009

The Seven Year Twitch

Today I have been married to the only woman on the planet that would have me most wonderful woman on earth for seven (7!) years.

My standard line for such occasions is to ask, "Can you imagine what that woman has been through?" But seriously, can you?! Roughly 2,555 days of completely legal and binding marital entrapment with yours truly have had to have taken their toll.

Sure, the first 365 days are typically your Omaha Beach scenario, with war and carnage everywhere. Fine. But that still leaves 2,190 for cleaning up the hedgerows.

Happy anniversary, Babe. Your Purple (and black, and blue) Heart is in the mail. Love ya, dude.*

Now that I think about it, at this point, Jacob was still strawbossing for Laban and was about to be hornswoggled into marrying two (count'em, two) wives. And after his seven years, that dude in The Seven Year Itch was having to endure the sight of Marilyn's levitating dress. I guess things could be a lot worse.

H.M. successfully coordinated childcare for 60+ kids at the church marriage seminar this weekend. She's exhausted. The catch, here, was that neither she, nor her bumbling assistant (giveya 3 guesses) got much of any marriage advice. Ironical, huh?!

In other news, Jack now helps end our nightly prayers with "Amen." He tries to beat me to the punch, so I really have to nail my "'NJesus'nameweprayAMEN" before he gets his little "Amuh" out. IN YOUR FACE, BABY!

*Can we negotiate speaking terms, now?

Note:
A special thanks this week to Cake Wrecks (and I suppose The Office) for the cake above.

6 comments:

Jennifer Reinsch said...

I so wish I had read this before Melanie walked through the office a short while ago. Happy Anniversary to you both. You guys did a FANTASTIC job at the marriage seminar.

El Comodoro said...

Oh you're a smoothie!

After re-reading this, I should have just put "we bow to the unreal abilities of Jennifer as Supreme Education Field Marshal."

Anyway, I'm sure Melanie would agree that she did about 5% and you were nearer the 90% range. (I'm holding steady at 0.0000001%).

Jennifer Reinsch said...

No, it really was all her. I just helped, and she made it very easy on me. I will leave you at your 0.0000001%, though.

Anonymous said...

Happy Anniversaratin dude! I've been in attendance at some of those "marraige seminars"... The only advise or words of wisdom that I can recall (in no particular order) is:
- not right, not wrong, just different (which coincidentally applies to just about everything I do; with the exception that most of the time I find that I actually AM wrong)
- women, if you dont want your husband out galivanting around looking at other women, keep him happy... put out... and we are not talking about putting the trash out for hubby to carry to the trash bin. likewise, men treat yer lady with respect and make her feel special and you shant have any problems in this arena.

There ya have it. the two most memorable peices of advice/words of wisdom I can offer up.

Of course I am posting this anonymously as to circumnavigate any retribution from my lovely wife whom I adore and who is always right.
Happy anniversary guys!

El Comodoro said...

BEST. COMMENT. EVER.

This from the man that, during a tour of his house, introduced the master bedroom as "The place where the magic happens."

Thanks for catching me up, whoever you are, Anonymous 4:41PM.

Donna said...

Happy Anniversary! Glad you don't have the itch or twitch. You were clearly made for each other and I wish the coulds would part and we could see you guys in person again- I haven't seen Mel since the baby shower. TOO LONG!