Monday, August 24, 2009

What is Your Emergency?

Just some random stuff to post today.

I finally squeezed in some much needed yardwork on Saturday. While I'm sinking my new Persian lime into the muckety-muck, I could hear this sound. Could NOT figure out what it was. I finally looked at the window to see F.M.B. staring at me vacantly. Wasn't her. "Vacant" is pretty much by definition "quiet." But the next window over, I see Jack, his face screwed up into the biggest pouty cry ever, just wailing. That, mis amigos, was the sound.

He's a dude that's easily offended. If I don't immediately come over and hobnob upon arrival from the soul crushing but financially expedient cinnabar mines, the lèse majesté is on! I mean, it's a grave insult to our Fearless Leader.

So when I blew him off to go work in the yard, that didn't go over well. At all. I think he still gives that lime tree dirty looks.

I didn't know when I posted last that my title was soon going to be the name of the movie in the ship's DVD player. Her Majesty's new favorite comedy is now I Love You, Man. Yes, parts are crude. A lot of parts, actually, so be ye warned. But all told, a funny, funny movie. Not so funny to me was H.M.'s selling pitch: "It's about this guy that doesn't have many guy friends at all (like you!) and he goes around desperately trying to make friends! It sounds great!" Yeah.

A shout out and halloo this week to my neighbor for apprehending the First Mate after she chewed/busted a setter-sized hole in my front gate and made a break for it. The guy uses his belt as a leash to lead her home, and calls us as the daft animal is swimming in his pool. It still amazes me how darn nice Houston people are.

I'm a little surprised Belle's tag doesn't just say
We've got her in an orange jumpsuit down in solitary.

Jack had a rough Sunday, though. He momentarily forgot how to crawl (two arms, TWO arms) and bashed his chin on the floor (House 1, Jack 0). He tripped and hammered his forehead on the baseboard (House 2, Jack 0). He did his triple lutz changing table flipperoo on the counter and whopped the back of his head on the sink (House 3, Jack 0). The house always wins, y'know.*

Have I talked about our live studio audience? Jack now has this hilarious knack of knowing when jokes have been told. At the correct moment, he belts out a HA HA! I call him "canned laughter" and it sounds like an episode of the original Scooby Doo.

OK, last night at church the guest speaker popped off a few jokes. Jack twice, right on cue (and LOUD) yelled HA HA! I thought a dude about 3 rows back from us was going to spontaneously shoot milk out his nose.

That wasn't all of the hijinks in church. Jack decided to make his first cellphone call. To 911. He's playing with H.M.'s phone and I hear a little voice saying something vaguely familiar. Something awfully like "what is your emergency?" I'm whisperyelling to Melanie, "Shut it off! Shut it off!" 911, sure that there was an actual emergency in parenting, made sure to call back as we pretended that it wasn't our phone. Umm, we screened that one.

At least he doesn't know the number for CPS.

*Heck, I even got into the action and choked on my Cocoa Krispies. Even shot one out my nose. Really! It was neato. (Breakfast Cereal 1, E.C. 0)

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