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Monday, September 13, 2010

The (Kitchen) Oil Spill

Identitii Theftus Interruptus
We had ourselves a very tolerable weekend.  About everybody we know in the universe (which come to think of it, isn't really saying a whole lot) ended up at our house one night or the other.

We've had a rash of pregnancies in our old church group (everyone's switched to bottled water now) and we all got together to honor our good friends Jason and Valerie and very-soon-to-be-calling-the-shots-at-their-house little Norah.  So that was a lot of fun.  So was figuring out who's portable hard disk Jack pinched.

Late in the evening, Jack was walking around with a "phone" at his ear, something he does incessantly.  Looks like a stockbroker, I'm telling you.  But the BAH [phone] he was glued to looked different somehow.  Somebody thought it looked like a hard disk.  There's only one in the house: it's upstairs and (I thought) well out of Jack's reach.  So Jack's casually playing with, and dropping frequently, the family's entire accumulated storehouse of data and pictures.  Nice.

But nope, after I wrestled it from the feisty dude, it's not mine after all.  It's not anybody's.  I then call around to people that have already left to get some answers.  The victims of the theft hang a yooey and reclaim their property after 20 minutes.  I apologize.  I then explain to the kid that it's generally frowned upon to pilfer from your guests.  Unless you're running for office, then it's fine to charge 1,000 clams a plate and shamelessly beg for cash.

I just hope his victims changed all their passwords and checked their bank accounts today.

I'll Just Rub My Bread On My Face, Thanks
The next night, dinner with an old college friend of mine goes great, and towards the end Jack kind of, you know, vanishes.  Regular readers of CJMP will be familiar with The Silence.

I find Our Hero in the kitchen.  He's got most of our stock of olive oil poured on the floor.  And poured on him.  (The joint smelled like an olive press.)  He was incredibly slippery to carry upstairs and bathe, but his skin looks fantastic.

As for the kitchen, we've put out the oil booms and are hoping for the best.

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