Tuesday, September 7, 2010

The Latest In Bulletproof Toys

A lot to report from the weekend now that I've (mostly) regained my senses from last week's neurological fiasco.

A Tropical Expedition
Saturday was a great day outside as we mobilized for the 25 foot long journey out to el patio de los gringos.  Preparations were extensive, sunblock was applied, reapplied, and re-reapplied, along with that ever present, necessary Houston evil, bug spray.  Everybody marched out there in their BEEP BOPS [flip flops] and made the best of it.

By the time we were done, we had burned several hours (but no pasty skin, thankfully), swam a bit, somebody got fidgety and replaced parts of two exterior light fixtures, and Jack had made at least 15 small donations to the hummingbird-sized mosquitoes that infest the Back Forty.  He's really very popular in the mosquito community nowadays.  Gets invited to all the parties, fundraisers, everything.

We did slather him with OFF! repeatedly to little effect.  On a completely unrelated note, I'm currently in the market for a smallish canister of DDT, so let me know if anyone sees anything on Craigslist.  (Would be for "scientific and/or research purposes" if the federales are asking.)

We also came back indoors with a neat little item.  Cobbled from my very first graphite hockey stick, an Easton Comp 7, I give you... the Comp 1/7th.  Apologies for the poor picture quality, but Tropical Storm Hermine didn't help improve photo conditions this morning.  It's hard to see scale, but it's a bit better than knee-high carbon with a Kevlar wrapped blade.  That's for durability and lightness while whacking anything and everything, well, whackable.  And for stray gunfire.  There's that.

And it's Jack's first hockey stick.

This Is Not A Pillow
Ultraweird naptime behavior continues.  Get this.  Majesty tells me that when she gets Jack up from his nap a few days back, he's (1) four kinds of buck rogers nekkid, has removed his (2a) shorts and (2b) diaper, (3) peed on the shorts from 2a, and is (4) using the, ah, somewhat less than fresh rolled up diaper as a pillow.  Unbelievably, he is totally clean.  Pictures (i.e. photographic proof of this) to come.

Personally, I'd Be Anxious About Who My Dad Is
Church and school have been getting tougher and tougher for Jack, and frankly neither is going well.  So in hopes to alleviate some building separation anxiety, I was instructed to take the sprog out to the mall playground.  The goal was exposing Jack to, simultaneously, both the maximum number of dangerous microbes, and the minimum amount of mommy possible.

I get the logistics hammered out on when to arrive, where to park, when to leave, where the ever-popular pet store is, all of that stuff.  No sweat.  And I'm executing the plan pretty well to be perilously unsupervised, just me and Jack.  I get him into the rinkydink umbrella stroller (looks NOTHING like an umbrella in any form whatsoever, by the way).  But the thing doesn't look quite right.  Ah.  It's not locked out.  I fix that with my foot.  And then Jack starts to shake.  Like he's in pain.  I check hands:  clear.  I check footsies:  clear.  Hmmm.

I figured out quickly that in closing the darned umbrella-on-wheels-deathtrap, I had pinched the daylights out of a small triangle of flesh under Jack's arm.  And I mean, I got it goooooooooood, too.  Looks like I branded him for the Double Rocking-Ouch Ranch.  He's crying.  I'm comforting.  And apologizing profusely.  So I grab him up and we sit in the front of the Tahoe to work things out and kiss and be Soul Brothers again.  And I bonk his head soundly on the doorframe.  On the upside, it did really take his mind off the whole death-by-pinching thing, though.

Yikes.  Sometimes I just stop myself and wonder if it's possible to get fired from Fatherhood. 
Non Sequitur of the Week:
HM:  "Jack, do you want fish or chicken nuggets for lunch?  Jack?  Fish or chicken nuggets?"
JMW, Capt.:  "Corndogs."*

*I officially object to Majesty's official objection to my use of the official term "cornydog."  Which is precisely how you say it.  Millions of heart disease-riddled fried food connoisseurs can't be wrong.  Amiright?


Jessica said...

Try Avon's Skin So Soft instead of the OFF! It works well and smells better.
Also, I have to side with Majesty on the corndog/cornydog disagreement. After all, it is cornbread and not cornybread.

El Comodoro said...

Nope, nope, nope, Cornbread's a completely separate issue.

You LIVED in GS, for goodness sakes! Some solidarity, please.

I've never had much luck with SSS, but the only bottle I've ever tried was my mom's and probably dated from the Carter administration.

El Comodoro said...


Jessica said...

You might also try planting rosemary, catnip, citronella grass, or marigolds in the pool area. All of those are natural mosquito repellants. While I don't know that I would mash any of them up and slather on my kid, they might help to keep the mosquito population down in your yard.