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Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Insomnia for Beginners

I'd feel an almost imperceptible bit of guilt writing nothing this week, so I'll give you... next to nothing.  Just mailing it in, here.

Somebody told me one time that if you ever can't sleep, get up immediately, grab a pen, and empty every thought in your head onto the paper.  Try it sometime - it works like a charm.  But it would complicate things if you weren't able to navigate pen and ink.

Last night, an infuriated Majesty stamps into our bedroom, where I'm trolling the interwebs on my phone.  I had put Yakubu down over an hour before, and he was still up, yammering along in his usual (ahem, inherited) way.  H.M. had gone up there to lay down the law.  Didn't work.  She finally figured out the dude was ITEE [itchy] and went downstairs for some MEHDITHIN [cortisone cream].  After slathering him with that, he still was The Figiteer.

The ensuing conversation:
H.M.:  Jack, do you need to tell mommy something?
The Figiteer:  YESH.
H.M.: What do you want to tell mommy?
The Figiteer: FAHN.
H.M.:  A fan?  Where's a fan?
The Figiteer:  FAHN IN POPPA'S HOUSH.
H.M.: The fan's in Poppa's house.  Great.  Thanks, Jack.  What else do you need to tell mommy?
The Figiteer: BURDS EAT YURMS.
H.M.:  Birds eat worms?  They do.  Anything else?
The Figiteer:  BEESH EAT BUGS.
H.M.:  Fish eat bugs.  Alright.  Great.
The Figiteer:  IN YATER.  [In the water.]
H.M.: Right.  Will you go to sleep now?
The Figiteer:  YESH.
And he did.  I'd like to think what's buzzing around in my head when I can't sleep is more consequential, and of far more importance, than ceiling fans or bugs or YURMS.

But it's probably not.

3 comments:

Donna said...

I love Jack. He is hilarious. And smart. My nocturnal thoughts always run towards paranoia not the fishies in the sea.

Anonymous said...

Important stuff need to be voiced!

Jennifer said...

Too funny. I'm thinking I will call H.M. next time I can't sleep either and empty all of what's in my head to her.