Thursday, December 8, 2011

Better Watch Out, Better Not Cry

They tell you whenever you can't write to just start typing.  So here we go.  I had a complete post done, entitled Naming Your Child For Dummies.  Scrapped it.  Wasn't worth outraging the relatively few strangers that read CJMP, people that will still talk to me or, friends and family I have.  Discretion is indeed the better part of valor.  Or something.  And now I'm stuck.

So how 'bout that weather?!  Right.

I'm reading a tremendous amount lately, at least for me.  I'm trying to deliver on the oft-broken read-the-Bible-through-in-a-year pledge.  I should finally make it this time.  Taking January, February, August, September, and most of October off didn't help.  Normally I wouldn't recommend the sort of procrastination/cramming routine I perfected in college.  But with the Bible, there's been a surprising side effect:  Greater perspective.

I can't overstate how helpful reading the Gospels through in a few days has been.  It's changed my view of them.  And more broadly, there's a huge benefit to arriving at Matthew right after slogging neck deep through the Prophets, wondering what it all means.  The folks in every Gospel account were wondering the same thing.  What are these amazing signs and new teachings all about?  Is this the one we're waiting for?  After John, my favorite, you blow right into Acts, swept up in the logistics and immense danger faced by those who helped build the church.  Romans comes, and it gives you an intense look at the doctrine and theology that was being laid out.  I have more to say on all of that, but no room here.  Anyway, the point being, try reading more than a verse here and there.  It'll change things.

Jack.  You remember Jack.  He's pretty pumped up for this Christmas thing.  He runs around, periodically yelling "MEWWY CWISTMAS, DADDY!" and "MEWWY CWISTMAS, MOMMY!" and "MEWWY CWISTMAS, MR. JACK!"  I think I've bought every legitimate* Christmas song on iTunes.   There's a slight problem with that, too:  The King (no, the other one) plainly sings, "Santa Claus is comin' tonight."  Jack tends to take that literally.  It's become kind of a nightly disappointment for him.

The Girliest Girly Girl is kicking and somersaulting, making herself heard however she can from the Occupy Majesty movement.  Darn little deadbeat hippie.  Majesty gets bigger by the quarter hour.  It's almost imperceptible, like watching the shadows move across your patio.  Wow.  I will probably never live that sentence down.  There it went, right there, hundreds of thousands of marital capital points.  Ah well, easy come, easy go.

I've been Christmas Decoration and Elf Management Czar this year, and did fearsome battle with the lights on the bottom part of our venerable old fauxenbaum one afternoon.  I ravaged that thing with a box cutter and strangled it into submission with strands of fresh lights.  Live porcupines must be easier to wrestle.  The tree looks (mostly) normal now, but stands there stark nekkid, still undecorated.  To this day I'm convinced it was a single, evil, tiny little bulb causing the dang problem.  I then put up Christmas lights on the front porch only to discover that my Lite-Brite of a fuse box that doles out the juice decided my GFCI outlets should die.  All of them.

So things are normal.  Like, pretty much.

One quick story.  My boss gave Jack this way cool interactive globe.  So you tap a country with a pen and it calls out "MONGOLIA" in a know-it-all voice.  You can play games and all sorts of things that geo-nerds do.  It's really, really neat, and Jack has been playing with it a ton.  So at 7am this morning, we hear The Dude screaming and crying.  He's kind of past the screaming/crying for no obvious reason stage, so I run up there expecting to see the place slathered in blood and carnage.  Jack is standing there, big old bottom lip poked out about 14 inches, with the (kinda heavy) globe suspended from his waist.  He had tied the pen's plastic tether cord around himself like a belt and had coiled it around about 10 times.  The thing was just mercilessly cutting into him, and he's got nowhere to go.  Can't walk, can't sit, can't untie it, and has to just wait for reinforcements.  (And no, I will not be sharing this story with El Jefe.)  Okay, so that really didn't go anywhere.  The Waist of the World?  Wide World of Shorts?  Atlas Whimpered?  No?  Alrighty.

Oh, we got Jack's picture made here at the house a few weeks back.  I'll upload a few of those in an upcoming post.  Probably.   But in the meantime, you know you love Lite Brite Elvis.  You KNOW you do.

Worst post ever.  I'm out.

*Any Mariah/Miley sort of ridiculousness is OUT.  Bing, Frank, and Springsteen are IN.


Jennifer said...

Glad baby girl is getting bigger by the moment, but my question to you is how many nights did you have to sleep in the guest room for publicly (publically) commenting on the belly growth? Have you downloaded Justin Bieber's new Christmas album? I'm sorry to say that I have (all for the sake of my job and a kids' Christmas activity), and now I wish I could take it all back.

El Comodoro said...

Lessee. The reaction was something like, "Bigger by the second, huh? *long pause* Yeah, it's true. It is."

And no, the Bieb isn't welcome in my household. Ever. And don't place that massive error in judgement on your peeps and your job, dude. That was ALL you. Gotta own that one.