My child has forever ruined the English language for us. Pop quiz: Identify the following objects from actual household conversations:
E.C. "Babe, have you seen my bah? I heard it just a minute ago.H.M. "No, but I've got mine. Let's go."
H.M. "What do you want for dinner this week?"E.C. "Ahdunno. Catbah?H.M. "Yeah, catbah sounds good. Get about a pound and a half."E.C. "Done."
For some reason, Jack substituted BAH in for any sort of "F" sound, so "phone" became BAH (and later BONE). Same for "fish," hence "CATBAH." Linguistics be some wacky stuff, yo.
And we litter our daily language with all sorts of other weird words and nonsensical phrases, cooked up by somebody that (1) doesn't read, (2) can't write or spell, and (3) is supposed to be learning our particular brand of the Queen's English from his elders (that'd be us). We flap our arms and yell, "YANNIT" when we really like something. We can't bear to correct him on "peenano" yet because it's charming. And hilarious. And charming. But rest assured, 20 years from now, we'll be attending that peenano concerto and charging up our bahs.
Oh, and forgive me, but the best of all was him calling pomegranate juice...
POMMADAMMIT. I kid you not.
I'm tired of toying with you. Julio is a....
The anatomy scan showed little hearts and livers and brains and stuff. So that's good. I'm told the 'fluid levels' looked good, as well. I've no idea what that means. I chose to interpret that as transmission, washer, brake, and power steering. Sue me.
This is a big one - I'm gearing up for writing blog posts in pink, frilly font (on an unreadable, headache-inducing hot pink background), ruthlessly sprinkling sentences with the words "precious" and "sweet" and "adorable." This should be really insane to watch. And precious. Dare I say sweet? Adorable, even. Sounds precious, doesn't it? See, I'm already getting the adorable hang of this sweet and precious preciousness.
Precious. Wow. It really is unsettling in this pink, isn't it? Holy moly. I'm getting queasy just writing this.
- Jack strips down at the drop of a hat, now. You'll turn your back on him, and he's instantaneously nude. Happens all the time. I'm trying to explain to him that there's a point in his life where this becomes, uh... legally actionable. And awkward in social situations. Anyway, H.M. tells me that quiet time inevitably ends with someone getting nekkid. I hope The New Kid skips all this. You girl-people generally show more restraint on that point, I think.
- We rode the Water Taxi the other day. So there's this meaningless public transportation that kind of putters around the artificial canal that runs nearby. My boss presciently told me "Yeah, you'll do that once." I now know why: Hot. Boring. Jack did okay, but was somewhat less than enthused. No fooling, it got stimulus money from the gubbmint. Natch.
- Majestad took The Dude (and I guess by extension, Julio) to the Natural Science Museum this week. There were 1,000 butterflies and Jack... just wanted to jump in puddles. Missing the point is what childhood is all about. I'm told The Mommy enjoyed it, and that's all that counts sometimes.
H.M.: Jack, what's in your shorts? (Obviously asking if there were any, er, accidents lurking in there.)J.M.W.: Legs!
This will get ugly.