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Thursday, January 19, 2012

The Big Questions

GOING LONG SBUX.  WAY LONG.
I have less and less to say about more and more.

I guess the real problem is the daunting nature of boiling 400 million disparate things down into 500 or 1000 words.  Weekly.  And making it half sorta partially mostly readable.

I hinted at this last week, but the big thing that's come down the pike lately is The Asking of the Questions.  Jack's turned into sort of this cagey trial lawyer, where he'll ask and re-ask questions trying to trip you up.  He usually asks things to which he already knows the answer.  But sometimes, he asks some real doozies.

He woke Majestad out of a dead sleep during (the ironically named) Quiet Time the other day.

"I NEED A SURPRISE."
"Do we love Satan?  He's a bad guy." 

Easy one.  That's a big "no."  Yes, he is a bad guy.  The baddest guy.  Man, this parenting thing is easy.

As H.M. was trying to pull herself together, he adds, "What about Darth Vader?" 

Hmm.  Tricky.  I'm pretty sure we can completely ignore those joke prequels Lucas cranked out.  Jack's only seen the Vader in The Empire Strikes Back, and he seems unredeemable.  But then, we know that Vader pulled his bacon back out of the fire in Jedi...  Gonna go with "no" because Jack not seen Jedi yet.  Whew, these are getting harder.
"Where is heaven?"
Well, lessee.  We're not really to where we can discuss the metaphysical or the concept of a spiritual realm yet.  I'm going to go with the medieval thought that it was literally "up."  Like in the sky.  It's easy to show him plenty of art that depicts heaven in this way and it just makes things altogether easier.  (Make note to clarify nonliteral meaning of "up" in 2018.)

Obviously working from data gathered from previous answers, at dinner Jack asks, for family discussion:
"Does God love Satan?"
Aw, c'mon.  You gotta be kidding me.

I mean, let that one percolate for a minute.  I opened my mouth to answer, and then promptly shut it again.  I'm no theologian, but I've got passable answers about most issues in protestant Christian theology (and even some outside of that).  But I had to go dark on this one.

"Uh, I dunno, Jack.  Eat some more catfish."

The 2 minutes that followed were filled with me mouthing all sorts of things across the table to Majesty (Like originally?  But he's been/will be defeated, right?  Is he even technically redeemable now?  I know, no way, right?!).

Pictures.  Take note of Jack's first Starbucks (relax, it's cocoa) and his very first trip to the movie theater.  We did sort of a last hurrah Big Brother Day for him.  We went out for pancakes, and then saw Beauty and the Beast.  He was a little fidgety, made worst by the interminable previews.  I'm serious, they had to be pushing 40 minutes.  Anyway, the general idea of a teevee as big as your house really went over well.



 
I HAVE NO WORDS FOR THIS.
I'M ABOUT TO WATCH 73 MOVIE TRAILERS. YOU?

3 comments:

Jennifer said...

Let me know when you guys figure out the answers to all of his questions, and I will create myself a "cheat sheet" notebook.

El Comodoro said...

We're planning on writing a manual for nuclear-powered children. It'll come packaged with a Geiger counter. Look for it on Amazon.

Roxanne said...

In the mean time, we can ALL just read Skippy John Jones (I noticed Jack's copy there with his non-caffeinated beverage) and relax in the knowledge that Momma Jones has troubles with Skippy John too. At least Jack does not think he's a chihuahua. Yet.