Friday, September 21, 2012

Left Behind in FauxCal

It seems this time of year I have little inclination to write.  Things are nice.  I'm not fired up about anything.  Or at least I'm not stupid enough to write about it.

The family has abandoned me again.  So that leaves me alone to crank up that old time rock n' roll music (and okay, CNBC too) and test the boundaries of legitimate taco ingredients.  And how long can one can actually subsist on tacos?  Current hypothesis is between 5 and 6 days, tops.  I'll let you know.

It's sort of like vacation time, but not near as enjoyable.  I don't know how in the world you single people do it.  I get the occasional text from H.M. or a picture of Jack or Princess Ringlet while they're hostages in Mobile.

Talking Point #0.5:  Everybody's good.  Jack got something like 5 pairs of new shoes in Alabama, because he had ah, exceeded recommended safety parameters on nearly every pair he owns.  Seriously, his toes were scrunched in there up against the end so hard that I was convinced his shoes would explode.  Caroline is wearing 24 month sized duds.  She was born in February.  Which makes her, what... carry the one...  somewhat less than 24 months old.

IS there HGH in the water, here?  IS that the secret to widespread athletic success in Texas?  Betcha I'm on to something, there.

Talking Point #1:  This week I have relearned what it feels like to go outside and... now listen to this part... not sweat.  It's not that it's cool, except in the morning, and certainly not to the point of indulging every ridiculous retailer in town trying to foist Shetland wool sweaters on you.  But the FauxCal weather is great while it lasts.

Talking Point #1(a):  Before the heat broke a few weeks ago, I actually saw a few people wearing sweater vests.  To give you perspective, it would be like witnessing someone stroll through the Kremlin... in January... in a bikini.

Talking Point #2:  You skewer okra, dust it with Tony's, paint it down with olive oil, and throw it on the grill.  It's really good.  AND qualifies as a vegetable.  AND more importantly is officially recognized by Majesty as a vegetable.  (We still quibble over cilantro, onion, and salsa verde.)

Talking Point #3:  Plumbing is yucky.  Really yucky.  You have no idea what is in your garbage disposal right now.  I mean, thar be dragons.  And mushed up rotten week-old key limes.  But the dragons, too.

Talking Point #4:  Being a dad in a suddenly empty house is probably a lot like being thrown in one of those sensory-deprivation chamber things.  The lack of sensory input (a.k.a. interminable noise) is jarring.

Enter Van Halen.

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